Mobilize the masses against bullying

Last night, I attended my very first parent information session on bullying at St. Paul Elementary School. Dare to Care Facilitator Lisa Dixon-Wells had spent the entire day with the school's teachers during a professional development (PD) day and the school also decided to host a session for parents to learn the skills of bully prevention and early intervention. She was also spending the following day with our Grade 5 classes before they move on to junior high.

Dare to Care's mission is to "mobilize the masses" to prevent bullying. The "masses" or "silent majority" are the 79 per cent of the students who are not bullies or victims of bullying (six per cent are bullies; 15 per cent are victims) - they are the kids who stand back and watch without saying anything because of the fear of retaliation.

Before I continue about all of the valuable information I learned not only as a local legislator, but also as a parent of two boys in elementary school, I think it is important to know the definition of bullying. Bullying is when a child is intentionally targeted over a period of time. If the incident takes place one or twice during one week, then it is likely not bullying; if it occurs again the next week and then again a couple of weeks later, then it is bullying. Bullying also involves an imbalance of power so that the victim cannot defend him/herself. Bullies don't think their behaviour is a problem - the behaviour is learned at home and because he/she gets away with it, the bully thinks it is all right. There is also an imbalance of emotion. Bullies have no emotion and excuse their behaviour. Victims usually suppress their true emotions and keep it bottled up inside until they have had too much.

Ms. Dixon-Wells spoke about the importance of our elementary school taking preventive measures now, since hierarchies among students are already established by Grade 3.  And even though my children do not have Facebook accounts or cell phones, Dixon-Wells spoke of the importance of teaching our children that these devices are a privilege, not a right, and that parents need to set rules on their usage and how their public image is displayed once our children are immersed in today's technology.

I believe the most vital part of the evening was learning what to do if my child is being bullied. Dare to Care teaches children the assertive techniques of HA HA, SO;
Help                    Humour               Self-Talk
Assert                  Avoid                  Own It

1. Help - the child being bullied should remain calm, since the bullies want reaction, and then say to an adult, "please help me." As adults, we sometimes ignore children who are whining to us and we don't listen to what they are really saying. If a child came up to you calmly and said, "please help me," it would be an immediate trigger for you to stop and listen. Then the child would give details as to what happened and how long these incidents have been going on for.

2. Assert - teach kids how to assert themselves, where appropriate. If a bully starts picking on another student in the playground, the victim should say "stop it" to the bully, then say "stop it" again; then walk away in the opposite direction and go talk to an adult. If the child says "stop it" more than twice, then their emotions are going to become involved and the bully will have achieved his/her goal.

3. Humour - Dare to Care usually doesn't teach the younger kids this tactic, but it is a way to diffuse the interaction through humour - could be similar to "Own It."

4. Avoid - kids being bullied need to learn to walk away without any body language. Girls learn to roll their eyes at a very young age and boys will try to walk away, but they walk right past the bullying group and possibly right into a fist. Victims of bullying need to learn to keep their body language neutral so that they do not give the bully the satisfaction of a reaction.

5. Self-Talk - we need to teach our children how to flip a negative comment into a positive one. If someone calls my child stupid, I can teach him the skills to develop a "thought bubble" and say to himself, "I'm good at math!", or "I'm awesome!" Even if we start thinking negative thoughts about ourselves, we should instantly have a positive thought bubble to counteract the negative one. Dixon-Wells suggested sitting down with your kids and have them list the top five negative comments/thoughts they encounter and then develop a list of positive thought bubbles.

6. Own It - on occasion, it may be appropriate to "own" the insult and come up with a humorous retort. Say, someone yells out that you stink. You could say, "Yeah, I know. I really need a shower," and then keep on walking away. You wouldn't want your child to do this all of the time, because they might actually start owning too many negative thoughts and the bully could catch on to this technique.

All of these skills could apply to anyone at any age. I know I could use a number of these techniques, especially as a local politician.

Bully prevention is all about teaching our children the proper social skills to interact with others in a kind and respectful way. It is also about setting rules and restrictions instead of being your child's "best friend." We cannot keep our children immune from the social ills all around us, but if we "mobilize the masses," we may have a chance to make a difference for all of our students.